Year in Review

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“This is going to be my year”— the seven simple words that everyone seems to convince themselves they need to say on New Year’s Eve to make up for everything they didn’t do the year before.

Whether the statement is coming from a girl at a club mid-vomit asking Becky to hold her champagne glass or just from an average Joe who simply didn’t achieve what they had hoped to by then, those words still hold the same meaning.

I was one of those people. (The average Joe, not the girl calling for Becky).

New Year’s Eve 2018 was a strange one in my books. I was surrounded by the most amazing people, but my state of mind was detrimental to my own health.

It was then and there, over a glass of cheap champagne and a fake smile concealing the sadness in my heart, that I told myself those exact seven words as a form of comfort.

When I woke up the next day, slightly hungover and still, severely heartbroken, I wasn’t sure if I fully believed that this was “going to be my year.”

The first week of 2019 passed and I soon realized, that if I really did want it to be “my year,” I had to grab the curveballs life had thrown my way and work hard in order to heal and move forward; knowing whole-heartedly that it wasn’t going to be easy and that it wasn’t going to happen overnight.

The thing with anxiety is that you’re your own worst critic and oftentimes, your own thoughts can make it seem like you’re living your worst nightmare. During this time, my anxiety was at an all-time high which caused a discouraging battle of push and shove in my mind until ultimately, I chose to just push and move forward.

Now, as the year comes to an end and I can evaluate 2019 as a whole, I can honestly say that I was able to experience a personal and positive evolution of character with only some minor plot twists along the way that resurfaced from my past.

Overcoming one full year of self-reflection, evaluation and love, I am able to confidently say that 2019 was not only “my year;” it was the best year yet.

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Through dedication, constant battles against my own demons, hard work and determination to rise above, I am finally able to see life the way I always hoped I could.

I am now able to use my own eyes and witness the beauty within myself and the world around me, as opposed to experiencing a clouded version of life through someone else’s polluted vision; something that was ultimately affecting my former distorted perception of happiness.

Not only am I now able to understand my worth as a person, but I am finally able to romanticize life again, in the way I used to before I found myself feeling stuck from fulfilling my dreams. To say I am a crossbreed between a dreamer and a realist really is an understatement.

The thing was, that for a long time, the voice, the feelings and the emotions within me were compromised. I was living an unfair representation of myself, all while doubting my capabilities.

I allowed myself to perceive the person I was through the eyes of another and began to doubt and question everything I ever stood for, which made me realize that I was living life with an empty void in my heart; which to me, was a lack of inspiration.

For the first time in my life, I found myself romanticizing life in a negative way; through an ill-advised fantasy that I had created in my mind to distract myself from accepting the fact that the one thing I had never lacked before was missing from my life. That thing was a muse.

As someone whose entire world has always been creative expression, I should’ve been able to identify the rut I was in that left me with the inability to express myself in the only way I’ve ever known— with words.

And now, as the words pour out of my heart and soul organically like they once did, I realize that I was set free. If only I knew then, what I know now; that the year ahead would be the most amazing one yet.

Not to mention that I learned in the most special way, what it means to be loved— truly loved, valued and uplifted.

Plus, I got to travel. A lot. Which was cool.

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The thing is, when you pour your blood, sweat and tears into your dreams, there’s no room for error.

Although every step in life may not work out the way you hoped it would, if you keep your eyes on the prize— whatever that may be, there’s no room for failure because you, yourself, choose not to allow it to be an option.

I vowed throughout the past decade to prove others wrong when they would force-feed me the misconception that there was “no future” for me in my industry, that my passion was “unrealistic” and that my degree was “useless.” All of which only made me work harder to accomplish my goals.

That being said, in 2019, I was able to explore a new career opportunity as a senior editor for an online publication that receives millions of viewers per month.

In between, I was able to experience travels to Veradero, Cuba, New York City and Las Vegas; all three trips of which I wish I could relive once over. I also began the lengthy and complex process of house-hunting which in turn, will make me an official homeowner.

This year, my website hit a milestone, too. I hit 15K views. For a little Canadian blog with simple thoughts from the heart, it means the world to me that somewhere, somehow, people have shown interest and have resonated with my words.

So, to conclude, in 2019, I learned the most valuable lesson of all— when life throws you a curveball and leaves you as “the victim,” live life to the fullest and come out on top as the f*cking warrior.

Cheers to you, 2020.

Wishing you all a safe and happy new year.

-L

Inactive Activism

By: Lucy Mazzucco

When I was a little girl, I overheard someone using the phrase, “There are two sides to every story.” I remember asking someone what that meant and wondered if every story book contained an alternate ending. After I would finish reading, I often wondered where the second ending was. When I was in the first grade, I heard that phrase again, this time from a teacher to two little boys who had gotten into an argument over a bottle of Elmer’s glue. It seems that from a young age, everyone around me knew what that meant and placed a big importance on it. Little did I know, that that simple phrase I kept overhearing, was a leeway into learning that opposing points of view exist in every situation and scenario that occurs in life. As the years went by, the idea of “two sides” taught me to listen, respect and reflect.

As a writer, I spend the majority of my time reading. I find literature to be a universal form of communication because it is composed of words, but derived from emotion and personal experiences. Besides classic literature, I have found a new inspiration in activists from this generation that formulate articles based on their opinions. I find myself gravitating toward them because of the interesting feedback that often follows an opinionated piece of writing. I find this type of writing to be motivational and eye-opening, but the feedback that these online articles receive are almost always comments with opposing points of view which ultimately lead to controversy.

Controversy is something that has always existed and I believe that no matter how much our world evolves, it will forever exist on our planet and will always go hand-in-hand with bullying. While controversy is rooted by topics that are considered “taboo,” bullying acts as the repercussion; which led me to think about Newton’s third law which states that, “Every action has an equal and opposite reaction.” This sparked my take on something I will inconclusively further refer to here as: inactive activism. 

The idea that human beings have the power to contribute to a movement they strongly believe in inspires me. No matter what they are fighting for and whether or not I agree with it, I am motivated by their passion to become fully immersed in making a change. I believe that the passion that is rooted by people’s willingness to support, educate and inspire is a movement of its own. Although one cannot agree with everything that occurs globally, I enjoy listening to the opinions of others on topics that I may not be familiar with. The concept of “two sides” enables me to involve myself indirectly through the passion of others and become moved by the sole passion of people’s willingness to have a voice.

I’ve always said these exact words as a rebuttal in any debate regarding change, “Not everyone can do everything, but if one person does one thing, it’s enough to make a difference.” This statement is something I strongly believe in. I stand by the fact that simply raising awareness, becoming self-educated on topics you care about or simply committing to one action that will help the movement leading to change is admirable. In fact, through endless discussions I’ve had with others about unresolved world issues, I’ve always vouched for the idea that one action is enough to have a positive reaction and contribute to the domino effect of change. The fact of the matter is, it’s not about what you do exactly, but how you go about it. I admire anyone with a deep rooted passion for activism and change which they pursue in the right way. However, witnessing commentary on certain articles lately, caused something to strike a a nerve within me and inspired me to write this.

Over the past few years, social media has become a wonderful portal for change. It opened up a world of thoughts, ideas and emotions. Unfortunately, it also opened up a world of judgment, bullying and distress. It became a dark and disturbing place where people’s attempts at change became an open discussion for mockery and abuse from other activists who felt “better suited” or “more educated” on the topic up for discussion.

Discussion boards have elaborately transformed into an outlet for people to angrily argue their sides of the spectrum, as opposed to understanding the underlying principle of why something was written or posted in the first place. This snowball-like effect results in a battle that ultimately becomes irrelevant to the initial reasoning behind the post. The sad truth is that the overwhelming traffic of responses to posts, are often full of angry individuals who claim to support the movement behind the post “more” than the person who posted it. The comments written by people disagreeing and coming to conclusions solely based on judgment, begin to stand out more than the passionate comments about activism that draw me to the discussions in the first place, leading back to my point about controversy going hand-in-hand with bullying. To me, this is a representation of activists fighting for change that is leading nowhere. These passionate individuals who could be out there contributing to change in a positive way; are instead, more concerned with posting angry comments on online disputes that will soon become lost in the portal of the internet. They are activists, yes, but they are using their passion for activism in a way where it results in inactivity.

People often forget that emotions are very powerful if they are used in a positive way. If you channel your passion and energy into a positive step toward change, it will contribute more to the cause you care about than the passion you’re putting into your inactivity. Make the adjustment from negative inactivity to positive activism. Words are loud, but actions are louder.

Interview ft. Artist Collective, Sideways and Members of Coleman Hell

This week, I got to sit down and chat with the band members of Coleman Hell and Toronto-based artist collective Sideways at their studio in Toronto to talk about their latest album, Stark Raving.

To read my review for Scene Point Blank, click here.

For more information on Coleman Hell, visit www.colemanhell.com.

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Photo credits: Coleman Hell