
“This is going to be my year”— the seven simple words that everyone seems to convince themselves they need to say on New Year’s Eve to make up for everything they didn’t do the year before.
Whether the statement is coming from a girl at a club mid-vomit asking Becky to hold her champagne glass or just from an average Joe who simply didn’t achieve what they had hoped to by then, those words still hold the same meaning.
I was one of those people. (The average Joe, not the girl calling for Becky).
New Year’s Eve 2018 was a strange one in my books. I was surrounded by the most amazing people, but my state of mind was detrimental to my own health.
It was then and there, over a glass of cheap champagne and a fake smile concealing the sadness in my heart, that I told myself those exact seven words as a form of comfort.
When I woke up the next day, slightly hungover and still, severely heartbroken, I wasn’t sure if I fully believed that this was “going to be my year.”
The first week of 2019 passed and I soon realized, that if I really did want it to be “my year,” I had to grab the curveballs life had thrown my way and work hard in order to heal and move forward; knowing whole-heartedly that it wasn’t going to be easy and that it wasn’t going to happen overnight.
The thing with anxiety is that you’re your own worst critic and oftentimes, your own thoughts can make it seem like you’re living your worst nightmare. During this time, my anxiety was at an all-time high which caused a discouraging battle of push and shove in my mind until ultimately, I chose to just push and move forward.
Now, as the year comes to an end and I can evaluate 2019 as a whole, I can honestly say that I was able to experience a personal and positive evolution of character with only some minor plot twists along the way that resurfaced from my past.
Overcoming one full year of self-reflection, evaluation and love, I am able to confidently say that 2019 was not only “my year;” it was the best year yet.

Through dedication, constant battles against my own demons, hard work and determination to rise above, I am finally able to see life the way I always hoped I could.
I am now able to use my own eyes and witness the beauty within myself and the world around me, as opposed to experiencing a clouded version of life through someone else’s polluted vision; something that was ultimately affecting my former distorted perception of happiness.
Not only am I now able to understand my worth as a person, but I am finally able to romanticize life again, in the way I used to before I found myself feeling stuck from fulfilling my dreams. To say I am a crossbreed between a dreamer and a realist really is an understatement.
The thing was, that for a long time, the voice, the feelings and the emotions within me were compromised. I was living an unfair representation of myself, all while doubting my capabilities.
I allowed myself to perceive the person I was through the eyes of another and began to doubt and question everything I ever stood for, which made me realize that I was living life with an empty void in my heart; which to me, was a lack of inspiration.
For the first time in my life, I found myself romanticizing life in a negative way; through an ill-advised fantasy that I had created in my mind to distract myself from accepting the fact that the one thing I had never lacked before was missing from my life. That thing was a muse.
As someone whose entire world has always been creative expression, I should’ve been able to identify the rut I was in that left me with the inability to express myself in the only way I’ve ever known— with words.
And now, as the words pour out of my heart and soul organically like they once did, I realize that I was set free. If only I knew then, what I know now; that the year ahead would be the most amazing one yet.
Not to mention that I learned in the most special way, what it means to be loved— truly loved, valued and uplifted.
Plus, I got to travel. A lot. Which was cool.

The thing is, when you pour your blood, sweat and tears into your dreams, there’s no room for error.
Although every step in life may not work out the way you hoped it would, if you keep your eyes on the prize— whatever that may be, there’s no room for failure because you, yourself, choose not to allow it to be an option.
I vowed throughout the past decade to prove others wrong when they would force-feed me the misconception that there was “no future” for me in my industry, that my passion was “unrealistic” and that my degree was “useless.” All of which only made me work harder to accomplish my goals.
That being said, in 2019, I was able to explore a new career opportunity as a senior editor for an online publication that receives millions of viewers per month.
In between, I was able to experience travels to Veradero, Cuba, New York City and Las Vegas; all three trips of which I wish I could relive once over. I also began the lengthy and complex process of house-hunting which in turn, will make me an official homeowner.
This year, my website hit a milestone, too. I hit 15K views. For a little Canadian blog with simple thoughts from the heart, it means the world to me that somewhere, somehow, people have shown interest and have resonated with my words.
So, to conclude, in 2019, I learned the most valuable lesson of all— when life throws you a curveball and leaves you as “the victim,” live life to the fullest and come out on top as the f*cking warrior.
Cheers to you, 2020.
Wishing you all a safe and happy new year.
-L
